Enough is Enough: Jess, you’re the mess
When I was 20 I was raped.
Not by a stranger, not by some frat boy after a party, but by the Pastor’s son; the boy I had known since middle school. He asked me to hang out and watch some movies with him, ok cool.
During Madea Goes to Jail, I dozed off. I woke up with him on top of me, inside of me. For half a second I froze, the next minute I was screaming for him to get off of me. He did.
I got in my car as fast as these 4’11 legs would carry me. Turned on some trap music, went home, took a shower, watched tv till I fell asleep and the next day I went to class then work.
In her recent video, comedian and actress, Jess Hilarious, described EXACTLY what I did after being raped, but instead of sympathy, she callously shamed me and other rape survivors for not immediately going to the police after being attacked.
She didn’t care that I was numb. That I was in shock, disbelief; I wanted it to go away. I didn’t want to be poked and prodded with needles. I didn’t have the energy to be asked a million questions like, “What did you have on? Why were you there? Did you drink alcohol or take any illicit drugs? Are you sure it was rape, are you sure you didn’t say yes in your sleep, etc?”
These are often the questions that rape victims are asked – questions that seem as if we perpetuated the crime.
Jess’ defense for making the video is that she wanted to bring awareness to rape, but here’s some news boo –those of us who have suffered and lived through rape don’t need your shitty, biased and plain wrong awareness. We remember! I don’t cry when I share my story with both men and women but to have a black woman with a platform of over 3 million followers on Instagram and over 1 million on Facebook take to the airways and diminish the struggle of women who have been sexually assaulted brought me to tears.
Some have argued that “Dave Chappelle just made fun of rape” in his most recent Netflix special, but Chappelle is not a woman and not excused either. The struggles that women, especially black women have to endure are NEVER funny. Getting in that car and getting up the next morning for school was hard! There was no joking in trying to scrub away the scent of a stranger or a man that you trusted away from your body.
The struggles that women, especially black women have to endure are NEVER funny. Getting in that car and getting up the next morning for school was hard! There was no joking in trying to scrub away the scent of a stranger or a man that you trusted away from your body.
Trauma doesn’t have a time limit.
I have had the opportunity to talk to women that have been raped, some of whom did tell. One sister said that after all the court proceedings, rape kit, etc, her abuser was given one year probation, with the opportunity to have the charge expunged off of his record for good behavior.
How many women run with their children to shelters? Report their abuse to the police and the police do absolutely NOTHING about it? How many times have we had damning evidence that went ignored in court, only for a Not Guilty verdict to be declared in the end?
Of 1000 rape perpetrators, only 6 will be prosecuted, and out of 1000 sexual assaults, only 310 are reported, according to the Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, Bureau of Justice Statistics, National Crime Victimization Survey, 2010-2014.
So there goes all of that energy. There goes all of that hope in the justice system, and tell me, what is life without hope? What is life when your hopes have been shattered from you, when you realize that you are living in the real world? You’re black in America. You are a woman in America, who cares about you?
Fuck you Jess. I say that for all of the girls, women, boys and men who were raped that you made fun of in the name of “bringing awareness.” Also for your BS “sorry-not-sorry apology video.
Are you aware that some of their abusers were let off or only served a small sentence and now roam the streets and that they still live in fear? Do you care?
You think we’re weak. We should have told. Told who? For what? We decided not to be victims in that moment. I say in that moment because whether we tell or not, we’re always going to be the victim of that crime. Now whether we chose to base our entire life off of it is totally up to us, but pain and trauma have a funny way of sneaking up on you.
Depression.
One thing in your life can trigger another. The courage of other women around you, these are the things that lead to women finally speaking up years later. Many of them don’t even speak up with the intent of charges being filed, but to say, “Hey queen, I’m right there with you. You’re not alone. The more voices that speak, the further we’ll be heard.”
Rape is a serious issue; heavy. I can’t support a woman who shames other women for not handling their rape the way that she “hypothetically” would (the word she used in her first video) and then not educating herself when called on it.
We give people a platform and we can take it away. We cannot keep allowing those that are influencing the masses to say things that show a blatant disregard and disrespect to victims of any kind.
We cannot keep allowing those that are influencing the masses to say things that show a blatant disregard and disrespect to victims of any kind.
So, I say, “Jess, you’re the mess. Thank you for hurting so many of your followers in the name of being funny, I hope the check was worth it.”
-Nerra Muhammad (Founder of I Call Her Queen LLC)
Sources
i. Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, Bureau of Justice Statistics, National Crime Victimization Survey, 2010-2014 (2015); ii. Federal Bureau of Investigation, National Incident-Based Reporting System, 2012-2014 (2015); iii. Federal Bureau of Investigation, National Incident-Based Reporting System, 2012-2014 (2015); iv. Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, Bureau of Justice Statistics, Felony Defendants in Large Urban Counties, 2009 (2013).
Jess Hilarious. https://www.facebook.com/JessHilarious/videos/338845506521692/?t=2
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