Dragon Slayer.
Dragon Slayer, it’s one of the many alter egos I have taken on. One of the names. One of the faces.
Why Dragon Slayer I’m sure many of you are wondering, but for kicks and since this is my first blog, I’ll share a recent poem that I wrote called, “Dragon Slayer,” (didn’t see that one coming did you), just to give a quick synopsis of why I call myself such a thing, I mean, I am a woman after all.
“Dragon Slayer”
Fuck that dragon.
It does not scare me and it doesn’t phase me, not one bit.
I’ve been raped before.
Twice in fact yet I’m still standing on these two feet.
I’ve been hit before.
And in that moment, I learned just how much power this tiny body packed.
I’ve been in love before.
Made that mistake more times than my heart deserved,
And my heart has been severed.
Can’t say ripped because that would be putting it mildly,
And I’m an honest woman.
No one worthy enough of a recipient for the energy it would take to lie.
I’m conceited to a fault.
Vain in my own existence because black is my skin tone.
But I am weak and fragile.
Only because I am a woman, only because I am a human.
But I’ve slayed plenty of dragons.
Scars to prove it, stories for days and canned tears of triumph and pain.
Yeah, I slayed that dragon.
I shot it down with no remorse, just grateful that it didn’t get me first.
So I wore its skin.
It became my proud badge of honor, ugly but mine.
So I wore the pain.
It served as a daily reminder of the endurance I ran.
Fuck that dragon.
And now I just say that because I can and it feels so good.
Poem from I am the Moon
3/18/2017
So what do you guys think of my poem, of my concept? Dragon Slayer? For years I have been writing poems that talked about me having a Knight in Shining Armor (yes I am a huge Disney movie fan, do not judge me), but even then, even before I hit the age of 17, I realized that I had to be my own Knight in Shining Armor.
One of the things that I love so much about being a writer is that I can always go back in the past and learn from a wiser me. So when I have those moments where I just feel completely lost and no one’s advice is good enough or logic enough, I turn to my books, my pages.
So when I went back this last time, I realized that I’ve known from the tender age of 16 that whatever it was that I was going through; stress from school, the loss of my father, separation in my marriage, mounting bills, a three year old calling my name all day, my spouse losing his job, my health deteriorating, depression, the miscarriage, all of these things I had to face ALONE.
Just me. Just this four foot eleven woman. So why now? Why am I starting my blog now, why is this my first topic? Because today I found the words. Because today I felt lonely and I realized for the umpteenth time that I have no one. For the first time in my life I truly feel like there isn’t one person in my corner rooting for me nor helping me.
I am alone.
And that’s okay. This Dragon Slayer needs to put on her armor, wear that dragon skin so she can go back out into the world with her sword freshly sharpened and shake up the world. The dragon is any obstacle, person, place or thing that is standing in front of you. It could be the bottle, drugs, your job, a lover, a friend, a flat tire, your bills, YOURSELF or at least the version of yourself that you want to be rid of.
Being a Dragon Slayer means that you are a fighter. You are a SURVIVOR. It is so easy to give up and to give in to that dragon with its hot fire breathing down on you but don’t. I’m light skinned half of the year so I use the fire to add melanin to my skin! Always find the silver lining!
Fight your way out of it, out of whatever is holding you down or back. Fight. Until that last breath leaves your body, you show that dragon what you are made of and you take that skin and make yourself a nice bag or shoes. I’ll take both please!